Back

I'm back. Just couldn't seem to post anything these last couple of weeks. I've been emotionally exhausted and physically exhausted, just feeling drained. My Mom's funeral took a lot out of me, out of us. My family is tired. It's been a struggle to continue with life as usual. I miss my Mom. I want to talk to her. I miss her voice, her smell. I miss talking to her at night.
My girls are adjusting. They miss her as well. We had a baptism this past Sunday. Al and I were asked to be Godparents of my cousin Petey's son, Skyler. We were very honored by the request. At the baptism, Jenny was asked about Guardian Angels and if she had one and she responded with yes, hers was her Grandma. That touched all of us.
During last week, my hair starting falling out. By Friday it was very patchy. My girls and Al went with me on Saturday to buzz my hair. I think it was good for them to see it; to understand that this is another step in the process of me getting better. It was strange at first - to have a bald head. I think I'm getting used to it. I may post of picture of it. Jenny seems to mind the most, she doesn't like me with the bald head.
So many thanks to everyone for the cards and support.

My Mom

My Mom -
My sisters and I were always so possessive of her. Even in conversations that we had with each other we referred to her as My Mom. Because she belonged to us. At least for a little while, God gave her to us. So that she could raise us into the unique individuals we are today.
My Mother passed away last night at St. John's hospital just after 10:00pm. My sister Kim was with her as she took her final breath. Kim called us just after and we met down at the hospital to say goodbye to her. A very emotional evening. I was grateful to have Al with me to comfort me and calm me as I cried. God took her home, home where she would no longer suffer the pain her body was enduring this last year. We will join here once again. We are so grateful to have had her for the 64 years here. She was the must caring person I have ever known.
God Bless

My Mom

It's so hard for me to know what more to write right now. It looks like my Mom will not make it out of the hospital this time. We are so hopeful that that statement is wrong, but it's realistic. We want her to wake up and yell at us for making such a fuss over her at the hospital or just tell us that she loves us one more time. My sisters and I and my step-Dad have been at the hospital with my Mom - with someone there around the clock. Since Saturday afternoon, she has been verbally non-responsive. She sleeps mostly, but at times she will wake up, but doesn't seem to focus on anyone or anything. Her brother was with her as well over the weekend, however, he was hospitalized today at a different hospital. We are all just having such a hard time with this.

I have an appointment with my Medical Oncologist tomorrow. A follow-up post and pre chemo appointment. I have treatment Thursday this week. It's so hard for me to concentrate on myself when all I can think about is my Mom. Thanks for the prayers.

Update

My Mom went back into the hospital again yesterday. I went this morning to sit with her and so that someone would be there when they brought breakfast. Unfortunately, she didn't eat much. She seems much worse this time. She had started radiation this past week, but it has not helped like it did last time. She's been in a lot of pain and has been having a really hard time this week. When she went to the doctor's yesterday, they decided to admit her again. They think she might have pneumonia.
I've been feeling better since last week's chemo. Besides being a little tired, there is no more feeling of nauseousness, which I'm grateful. Thanks again for all the well-wishes.

February

February - I can't believe we are in February already. It seems like it was just October. On Monday, I had gone to the doctor's for a shot of Neulasta. It's a shot that I will get after each chemo treatment. It helps boost my White Blood Count so that the count is high enough for the next round. The side affects from the shot are joint pain, body aches, and flu-like symptoms. I kinda had all those side affects on Monday. I had the chills most of the day. I'm feeling much better today.
My girls have been so wonderful. My older two made the All A honor roll. I am so proud of them. When I was in elementary school I struggled with my grades . But as I got older, I got better in school and graduated with honors both from high school and college. However, when I was their age I did struggle. To see them come home with such great report cards, makes me so proud of them. To know that all of these things going on in our home front right now, hasn't set them back academically, is amazing. I have the best 3 little daughters I could ask for.

Tired

The feeling of tiredness doesn't seem to fade. I seem to be constantly tired. I haven't gotten sick since Friday, but I feel nauseous during most of the day. It's a matter of constantly battling that sick feeling. I'm hoping the feeling will fade as the week goes.
My Mom started radiation today.
A special prayer to my friend Elise (who graciously hosted the 'Hat' Party for me) who lost her mother yesterday. My thoughts and prayers are with her and her family.